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I wrote a review of that night too, you should read it :)

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Nov 9, 2023
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Lorem,

I'm afraid I don't understand. The ND'er Employee Handbook dictates all* employs are granted 2 days of leave and 1 half day of sick leave. This is plenty for a nice relaxing visit to those campy Euro beaches everyone pretends to love.

Regardless, our Docu team has contracted a specific and peculiar case of malaria coupled with acute meningitis. I already came with cirrhosis of the liver. Unfortunately half are sick, dying, or dead. I think that leaves me no other option but to unfortunately fly back early and hire some more laborers on craigslist who are fully vaccined up.

Besides...have you forgotten my Ficus Tree? I know its an artificial plant but I find the ritual of watering it with a glass spray bottle so calming - and knowing your mental capabilities I think it would be the perfect task for you.

Pax et Bonum,

Cranston Jaxton Staxton

CEO of The New Dorker

MBA Harvard Business School, class '87

"Leap and the net will appear"

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My Dear Cristoph Jacob Stackstein,

It appears we're having a spot of bother with our network security.

Everything's gone all cockamamie!!!

We may have had another breach. For now, let's fall back to our secure Discord server for future communications—no peeking, hackers!

Warm regards,

Lorem Epson

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Wouldn't mind seeing *content improved* 🔥🔥🔥

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Nov 9, 2023
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Dear Lorem Ipsum,

How has the office been? Lack of articles lately. I understand publications can ebb and flow. I've been busy meeting with the indigenous people of Calcutta with our documentary team to see if we can get than to stop eating excrement. Anyway.

Can we get a drip check on aisle 4? Dudes in NYC really throw an rumpled sportscoat with 2 inch lapels over a buttoned henley, look in the mirror, and go "yup thats fire". Not to mention the exposed brick, drinking millers, and eating chips. Sad, sad, sad. We might say that Postmodernity is cracked but the people diagnosing it certainly aren't.

I've said my piece. I'll be "zoom"ing into our next morning meeting 9am EST.

Make sure to water my ficus tree,

C. Jefferson Stack

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