Taylor Swift Baby Boom
The single biggest vibe shift in history may be on the horizon.
“if taylor swift and travis kelce have a baby, it will usher in a new american baby boom as millions of 25-35yo women follow suit. not far behind will be manufacturing, a housing boom, a tremendous lifestyle shift for millions of newly minted families. a new golden era for America,” posted one Twitter (X) user.
Apparently, I was not the only one who enjoyed this tweet — it has clearly struck a nerve, amassing over 71,000 likes and a whopping 13.2 million views!
What is more, it is not just that most people found it funny; they found it insightful, too. “Unironically would not be surprised,” wrote an anonymous Twitter user in what has become the post’s top comment. The second most popular comment came from a different user, who wrote “I know you’re being funny here but I think you could be right lol.”
I, like our anonymous friend, also think the original post is right. Those who reflexively doubt the Taylor Swift Baby Boom should consider the argument to follow. The single biggest vibe shift in history may be on the horizon.
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Be a Swiftie
First things first: If you are not a Swiftie at this point, you need to get real.
Those who most strongly doubt the Taylor Swift Baby Boom (TSBB) are most likely doing so simply because they do not like her. The TSBB rests entirely on her special appeal and if that appeal is not understood (and Taylor Swift, in particular, needs to be loved in order to be understood), the TSBB will seem ridiculous. To the haters of this theory, I will offer my strongest argument for being a Taylor Swift enjoyer.
Taylor Swift enjoys wide and intense appeal because she masterfully communicates the blisses of NORMAL LIFE. Taylor Swift is a breath of fresh air in a culture that presents an ugly, revolutionary uniqueness as the ideal. She shows how wonderful it is to just BE NORMAL!!!
Take my favorite Taylor Swift song, “All Too Well,” for example. The boy Taylor falls in love with in the song is normal; he lives on a “little town street” and wears “plaid.” In a stroke of genius storytelling, Taylor writes that his “cheeks [...] turn red” with slight embarrassment when his girlfriend is shown pictures of him as a “little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed” who played on the “tee-ball team.” This instantly, yet subtly, paints a picture of an athletic, masculine young man; somebody who a bitter, contrarian loser would lament as a “dumb jock!!!,” but who the well-adjusted see as a normal, nice guy.
Taylor and this normal, nice guy fall in love in a normal, nice way, “singing in the car, getting lost upstate” and “dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light;” a process which a bitter, contrarian loser would grimace at for being “cringe!!!,” but which the well-adjusted see as normal and nice.
Finally, they break up in a normal way, with their youth and inexperience leading to their getting “lost in translation,” culminating in the guy acting “casually cruel in the name of being honest” over the phone, presumably in a heated argument which neither were mature enough to properly navigate. Thus, in the end, Taylor is left only with bittersweet recollections — she remembers this episode of her life “all too well”. This is an ending that a bitter contrarian loser would yell “see!!!” at, but that the well-adjusted see as normal and, in being so innocently touching, nice.
All of Taylor Swift’s music is like this. She deals in the normal and nice. If you are repulsed by Taylor Swift and her music — if you cannot bring yourself to recognize your own longings and sensibilities within normal people and normal situations – then there is a very good chance that you are a bitter contrarian loser. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but if you groan at the normal and nice as a baseline, then you need to stop being such a navel-gazing edgelord who acts like they are above everything.
This is why I mean when I say that Taylor Swift needs to be loved in order to be understood: given that no bitter contrarian loser would admit that they are, in fact, a bitter contrarian loser, such a person would not be able to see that Taylor Swift’s appeal is her normalness, for admitting that they hate normalness would be admitting that they are a bitter contrarian loser. Therefore, you have to be a Swiftie in order to understand her appeal – and said appeal is the prime ingredient in the eventual Taylor Swift Baby Boom.
Celebrities Set Standards
Now that I have turned you into a Swiftie, the next question on your mind may be this: “Sure, it is true that a lot of people love Taylor Swift’s music, but why would that love of her music translate into any tangible lifestyle changes if Taylor Swift were to have a baby?” The answer for this partly rests in why we care about any celebrity’s actions.
Of course, celebrity worship is a huge problem in America and the fact that many Americans would saw their own legs off only to be spat on by their favorite celebrity is quite concerning. However, those who claim to be above all celebrity on-goings are, like those who claim to be above Taylor Swift’s music, also bitter, contrarian losers. It is normal to feel affection towards certain celebrities because they, in being a part of and adding to our lives, garner our sympathy and goodwill naturally (it would be weird not to care when somebody who we are familiar with dies, for example). Furthermore, in achieving something significant, they naturally garner our admiration. This disproportionate attention celebrities draw to themselves naturally makes them the setters of acceptable public conduct.
This attention towards celebrities is especially natural as it concerns their love lives. Of course, gossip is a sin which is to be avoided, but people kid themselves when they label love as some inherently private thing. Marriage, the natural end of the love between men and women, is clearly a public institution. There is a reason that marriage requires a witness and is done before God, a priest, and the entire community. When celebrities get married, it is an especially pronounced statement. Again, revelling in so-and-so’s sexual immorality with so-and-so is twisted but it is normal to be happy when our societal role-models do something good (get married), and sad when they do bad (get divorced).
Many often question whether we can separate the art from the artist: beautiful art is beautiful, irrespective of its imperfect vessels.
However, Taylor Swift is a special case: Taylor Swift is a mirror image of the normalness found in her music. Her public life is a chronicle of relationships and heartaches in line with (and often acting as the subject of) her music. The love for Taylor Swift’s music is inseparable from Taylor Swift because the love for her music is a love for her. Taylor Swift, in concerning herself with normalness more precisely than anybody else, sets what is normal more than anybody else, and is therefore the most impactful celebrity in American life.
However, as much as I like Taylor Swift and her music, her impact on what we consider normal is not ideal. As of now, her entire discography has concerned itself with the tribulations of love: boyfriends, girlfriends, breakups, and makeups. As I have explained, she has explored the troubling world of dating and courtship with more precision and artistic sense than any songwriter alive.
However, she and her music have remained stuck in the troubling world of dating and courtship, thereby leaving a generation of young people stuck in that world, too. Marriage more than ever is thought of at best as a far-flung thing to do once the fire of youth has burned away and at worst not thought of at all. Taylor Swift’s music has refused to explore the joys of actually growing up.
However, that can all change. If Taylor Swift starts a family, I am certain that her music will take a different tone. Imagine if she wrote about the joys of marriage with the same impassioned sentimentality that she has used to write about breakups. Imagine if the young boyfriend in “All Too Well” were replaced with a good husband. Imagine stadiums packed to the gills full of fans cheering for songs about the joys of being a mother.
If Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce can get millions of young girls to start caring about football all of a sudden, why would the same logic not happen to something as essential as marriage and motherhood? I recently asked two young women at my university if they would be more inclined to have children of their own if Taylor Swift had a baby. They both smiled, looked at the floor, and said “yes.” That is evidence enough for me — and it is a great thing.
Taylor Swift has the power to make marriage and motherhood — the extraordinary — the new normal. And what a normal that would be.
The AdamoZone is a column by Luca Adamo, Vice President of Marketing and columnist at The American Postliberal. Published every Friday at 5:00pm EST.
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